i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
