Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
As shirtless as possible
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
