I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Someone shattered a urinal.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Randomize
