Too much gin, very little bucket
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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