If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
