need another drink. this is the easiest way
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
After last night, I could never be a politician.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
