he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
