Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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