there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You're like the curious george of whores
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
