im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
