threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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