OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
