I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
