Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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