I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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