u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
