sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
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We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
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they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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