margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
