I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
