Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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