he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
