so explain again why im purple
no
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
