haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
