hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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