on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
