do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
