have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
