Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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