i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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