help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
