at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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