I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
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We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
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I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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