I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize