Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
