u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
