He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
