I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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