I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
