i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
