Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
