the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
