Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
