Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
