My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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