Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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