he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
