the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
