She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
it's great music for shaving your balls
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I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
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so much tequila, so little girl.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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