You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
