woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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