He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
