I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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