i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
