I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Rumble strips road head = magical
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
