Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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