Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
