JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
