did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
