i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
