i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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