im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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