when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Randomize
