The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
