so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
