It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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