I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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