so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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