omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
