Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
