I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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