There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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