I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
